So I've been off with my fitness lately and I know it. And I say it's OK but deep down I know it isn't...I miss working out religiously! I do but when is enough...enough?!?
All my life I've been fat...let's admit it...I WAS fat! I don't want ppl to say, "oh no...u weren't fat!" YES I WAS! LOL it's OK...I accept it...I moved on and obviously it shows! Lol but til recently I've been thrown off with events that I thought I could deal with by going to the gym and destressing...but NO! I'm human I F*** up and it's OK! Lol as long as I bounce right back up right?!? Well I haven't picked myself up 100% but I'm getting there...I lost the focus and the purpose of me losing the weight. My main reason was to prove to myself I could do it just needed to get off my ass...second reason was obviously a dude...smh and that's where I definitely went wrong lol after losing the weight I felt great clothes that I couldn't fit in years finally closed without my muffin top bulging out...or me feeling like I couldn't breathe Lol I was and still am feeling good about myself (except for today...feeling a little chuboski lol.) As I was losing the weight I was told I'm was getting waaaaaaaay too skinny and I guess it could've been that no one has ever seen me at my smallest...127 (I'm even surprised at that Lol) and I was told to gain a few lbs even from my own family. Now that I have gained a few lbs aka happy weight...pissed off weight...ijdgaf weight...whatever...I'm told im fat...
For those that know me and I hope there are a few of u Lol I have issues with my weight...and I'll never be content cuz I know where I want my body to be...but at what expense?!? Shit I don't mind paying for these fitness programs that I have cuz I KNOW they work...if I'm willing to drop mad money on shoes I can spend it on my health that's not a problem...my issue is...when will I be content...when will ppl stop judging me...I'm human I fall, I get back up, and fall again...it's life...as long as I realize it...I'll be OK...the world will be OK...the haters will be OK, it'll give them more ammo to hate about...OK I got some tracked Lol...but Yea...where was I?!?! Yea at what expense do I need to hear go to the gym, ur getting fat, blah blah blah...look man! Lol I have the determination to get what I want cuz I know I can do it with or without help...I just want to be clear minded when I do it...I don't wanna hear oh ur letting urself go...hey...I'm still here! I just need me time and that's what I haven't had.
I don't want anyone to think this is directed towards them cuz it's just how I have been feeling for a while...and thnx to those that actually wanna help me out! I appreciate it! I really sincerely do! :o) but imma do me for a bit...enjoy my life! Live in the moment...workout here and there...avoid bread! Lol proud to say have been alcohol free for about a month now :oP so see I got this! And with that said...I'm sexy and I know and I know u are too! ;o)
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